At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
