the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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