Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
