I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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