He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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