Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
