His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
