the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
