I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
