nut hugger
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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