"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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