I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
