Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
