so explain again why im purple
no
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
