Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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