White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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