we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
