so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
