You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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