we have officially lost it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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