cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
