My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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