i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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