I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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