I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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