my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just high enough for therapy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
