Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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