I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
