Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
