it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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