with your own penis?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
