If i come over, it means nothing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
