i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
