Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
