WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
