I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
