Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
