the condom got lost in my hair
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
