So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
