All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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