Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
