I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
