i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
