K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
