My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
