At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
