drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
