did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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