You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
