She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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