I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
