Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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