I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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