thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
