you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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