Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
