Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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