u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
