I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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