Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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