Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
