I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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