that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
