pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
