My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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