i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
