he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
