i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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