the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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