It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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