You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
