Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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