i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
