Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
