You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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