I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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