that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
