Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
