is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
