Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I AM VODKA MAN
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
