dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
