Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
