i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
