Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
