you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
